PHP Jokes A-plenty!

What the…?

The I'm sure I'll never do it again since the internet never changes update!
Reported on 22nd of January, 2016

It’s time for me to be behind the times. Full-width banner images were all the rage, so I’m gradually stealing the idea and inflicting my general coding incompetence on you, dear reader. I’m better at this than I was a few months ago. A few months ago, I was just better than the people I hired a few years ago, the people who said they were good at this. This is not bragging (how could it be), just a reflection of what happens when you combine an occupation akin to general contracting with never having to get off your ass. At least I have to drive to the cinema, which is ass-sitting, transition, ass-siting, transition, ass-sitting. Take that, programmer scum! .

Don't look at me!

re: PHP Jokes A-plenty!

The I’m sure I’ll never do it again since the internet never changes update is also the product of my intermittent desire to create a calendar of films. See, one day I was going through my tickets and adding dates and times to when I saw Blue Chips, or Cabin Boy. It’s how I remember my life. Normal people would just obsessively save all their movie tickets and glue them in a book. Problem with that is, someone might accidentally break into the house and steal it. This way, I’m guaranteed that my gloriously wasted life remains private.

On one hand, Dennis Schwartz is my nemesis, being that he is bafflingly included in the Rotten Tomatoes scoring system. On the other hand, the look. THE LOOK!!!! Also poetry.

On one hand, Dennis Schwartz is my nemesis, being that he is bafflingly included in the Rotten Tomatoes scoring system. On the other hand, look at it!!!!

Also poetry.


In the additive way of the impossible to finish project, once the idea of a visual calendar of tickets came to mind (not available on the site yet, by the way), I then came up with the brilliant idea of having a little bit on each theater (this feature is rarely available and incomplete when it is) and each half-formed rule (now I have to write something for each time I have an idea, thus demonstrating that I didn’t have one), all wonderfully interconnected (not available to be available). But I did spend two weeks obsessively researching how to make a cute individual icon for each theater on a map.

Weirdly, however, all of these ideas lie in the underlying (and invisible to you) php database. Uncharacteristically, I have focused on the practical. The code is short and easy to load, and, one hopes, the text readable across the variety of phone thingies that people thing with. There will be many problems, and you’ll see things like ‘Why not have an image of some kind always under the logo?’ Tickets must be re-scanned, custom fields must be UPDATE…SET…WHERE’d and so on. Despite the fact that I never write anything, there are 246 posts here. I’m lazy, but it’s a consistent, tireless and diligent lazy.

On one hand, apologies for having to see this its mid-finished form. On the other, thanks for helping spur me on to complete it. You are the audience to the photo of my fat hairy stomach before I exercised, dieted, and then deleted the photo. Things will appear, break, then disappear at whim. Please feel free to comment, especially about fonts. That’s what it’s all about: distracting me from writing. Your reward is that I will not post any pictures of my fat hairy stomach. Unless it’s an article about American Sniper. I’m not made of stone.

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