It Follows

13 March, 2015

Relentless, and demands to be seen in the theater.

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The Year of the Apeshit Crazy Ape-Horse

21 April, 2014

A time when weird arty films just aren't weird enough, and studio pictures are making purple mud sense.

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Men, Women & Children

19 February, 2015

You can't say 'I hate Men Woman and Children' without sounding like a misanthrope. It would be like saying 'I love Birdman' without hating men, women and children.

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Selma

16 March, 2015

Selma is not an aggressively mediocre film, but certainly an uneven one, vacillating from pretty good to very bland and then back to blandly bland and once again to blandidy bland bland.

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The Lost Hydra

27 April, 2014

This is the great unsolved mystery of Lost, that people still mention it in their resumés.

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Speed Racer

28 May, 2008

It’s like being attacked by bunnies while having a heart attack on acid.

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Inherent Vice

19 February, 2015

It's not fair, Mommy! How come they got to see Postal?

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The spirit is willing...the body to science!

Utterly crushed, but terribleness of Foxcatcher, and wonderfulness of What We Do in the Shadows gives me hope for humanity. As long as they remain harmless images.

Recent Films

I Heart Huckabees +

I Heart Huckabees

10 May, 2015

  • FuryFeat Fury

    10 May, 2015

    Shia LaBœuf wept. No, really. He cries the whole time. It's weird.
  • ColdInJulyFeat Cold in July

    10 May, 2015

    Relies heavily on the fact that Don Johnson is, well, in it. Good for him!

Recent Rules

The Second Peter Hyams Rule +

The Second Peter Hyams Rule

4 January, 2015

  • ShouldSaySomethingFeat He Should Say Something Like

    2 December, 2014

    When you internalize the shoulder demon.
  • LostHydraFeat The Lost Hydra

    27 April, 2014

    This is the great unsolved mystery of Lost, that people still mention it in their resumés.

Recent Articles

Having to Explain Irony +

The Timecop Effect

10 May, 2015

  • CommercialsFeat Missing the commercial break

    25 March, 2015

    We were warned of MTV-style editing, but this seems less a threat now than an empty promise.
  • Soul2 My soul

    19 February, 2015

    I ain't Wall•E, but he gives me something to shoot for.